A BRIDESMAID’S GUIDE
Traditionally, a bridesmaid was responsible for warding off evil spirits on the bride’s behalf; however, today her role could vary from emotional support, to invite-making to satisfying a pre-wedding junk food craving. A bridesmaid’s role today is as varied as it is exciting and multi-faceted. She will organise, host parties, she will offer crucial fashion opinions and the less crucial: her bonbonniere preference. She will have a ‘front row seat’ to the wedding preparations and the bridal experience. Her role is to serve and to make the journey as memorable as she can.
Bridesmaids will help the bride choose the gowns and will typically pay for everything she wears or requires for the wedding day, including her dress, shoes, jewellery, makeup and hair. That said, it is becoming increasingly common for the bride to gift her bridesmaids their jewellery.
Here are ten ways every budding bridesmaid can do to be the best and help her stress less.
- Assume nothing.
Each bride is unique and will require different levels of involvement and have different expectations. If you have been a bridesmaid before, don’t assume this bride wants things done the same way or expects the same from you.
- Do not be afraid to ask her questions.
When you do ask her, ask specifically. Rather than “What do you want to do for your bridal shower?” present her with options “Would you rather a quiet meal and dancing afterwards or a day at the beach or a day at a theme park?” Verbalise your thoughts and your questions.
- Do everything with excellence: the difference between a good and a great bridesmaid. Book restaurants ahead of time, confirm bookings and delivery times and on the day, make sure she always has her drink of choice and keep her glass full. Go above and beyond the call of duty.
- Take notice.
Although a good photographer should pick up on smudged lipstick, lipstick on teeth, a strand of hair out of place, a crooked veil or askew eyebrow, you should take notice of these things just in case. Her photos will be better because of you and in 50 years time they will still show the signs of an ‘on-to it’ bridesmaid.
- Put yourself in her shoes.
We’ve all seen the movie ‘In Her Shoes’, well it is time to put that principle into practice. An excellent bridesmaid will ask herself what she would want if she was the bride. For example, if she loves all things French and the colour pink, a Parisian-themed bridal shower may be appropriate, or if she hates all things pink and loves ten pin-bowling, this could be the way to go. She is not you, nor another bride, so do what she would want, and what she would enjoy the most.
- Keep things special, not stressful.
This is how her wedding experience should be remembered. Offer to take charge of the wedding RSVPs or if you notice your bride has had a particularly hectic week, suggest she has a massage or book her in for a manicure. It is these little things you do that will mean the most to her. Keep her calm, focused and try not to let things escalate into stress… a Bridezilla could be just around the corner.
- Don’t dismiss the importance of your ‘Last Minute’ and ‘Post-Wedding’ role.
Be on hand to run last minute errands and schedule this into your diary. Consider getting her dress dry-cleaned after the wedding or stocking the newlywed’s pantry with basic food for when they return home after the honeymoon.
- Simply be on hand.
Her flowers, train and veil are three things that will need continual supervision.
Be there to hold her flowers while she hugs and mingles with people. Be there to fix her veil or hold her train. At the reception, head to the dance floor to dance with your groomsman and encourage others to dance too. Collect and keep record of all gifts received (so the bride can write specific thank-yous) and play hostess to guests in lieu of the bride.
- Share the responsibilities.
On the day one bridesmaid may look after the train while another holds the bride’s flowers. Pre-wedding, you should divide up the responsibilities of catering, making invites, designing games and decorating party venues. Keep your receipts and don’t be shy to ask the other bridesmaids to pay their share. Unless you are the maid-of-honour or head bridesmaid, the duties should be equally shared. Head bridesmaids act as the team leader. She should get plans into motion but does not need to do more than the other girls; she should delegate responsibilities and communicate the most with the bride.
- Have fun!
This is an incredible time in your friend’s life: enjoy it with her. What an honour to experience all the wedding bliss and craziness with a ‘VIP’ pass! And remember, you simply must embarrass her somehow on her hen’s night (something that is best to be kept to around 10 girls well before the big day).
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